


Steve Dangle has Jack Zimmermann problems

by DarkWaterFalls



Series: The Steve Dangle Show [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Analysis, Gen, Social Media, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:30:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6091663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWaterFalls/pseuds/DarkWaterFalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>19th of April 2015</p><p>Steve Dangle Glynn @Steve_Dangle<br/>Jack Zimmermann has just signed yesterday and I've just posted a new video on my channel</p><p>Steve Dangle Glynn @Steve_Dangle<br/>It's not a Leafs one</p><p>Steve Dangle Glynn @Steve_Dangle<br/>But it has to be on there because it's important and it needs to be said</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steve Dangle has Jack Zimmermann problems

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lanyon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanyon/gifts).



> I've had this idea kicking around in my head for about a week. I've turned it over a couple of times, built it and rebuilt it, but ultimately each time I came back to the fact that we know very little about the response to Jack signing outside of Samwell.
> 
> To get the tone correct for this fic, you will need to watch a few Steve Dangle videos. I personally find him very accessible for the non-hockey or new fan, he's very kind, and just generally a nice person. So, in my mind, in the CP! world, he'd probably make a video like this.
> 
> Videos to watch (do at least one please):  
> [Dear Habs fans](https://youtu.be/6tOKu2hpTlc?list=PLo12SYwt93STu-XegiQERsnJYUaG1ODdD)  
> [In defence of the Oilers](https://youtu.be/QjIeAwxFgD4?list=PLo12SYwt93STu-XegiQERsnJYUaG1ODdD)  
> [Dangle: PHANEUF TRADE](https://youtu.be/XBovUrvMpVU?list=PLo12SYwt93STu-XegiQERsnJYUaG1ODdD)
> 
> The format is a bit weird because it's emulating a video, but I did what I could.
> 
> All of these stats and details, other than Jack Eichel's, are pulled out of my ass. You can fight me over this.

Steve slides in front of the camera, puts his fingers over his mouth and stare off into the corner of the room. He looks up into the camera says, “Right, I can do this.”

 

Deep breath in, drops hand. “Let’s talk about Jack Zimmermann.

 

“I know you’ll have all seen the news, plastered across twitter, the internet, and spouting from the mouth of anyone who has ever had an opinion about hockey, however valid or invalid.

 

“But just to recap - if you’ve just recently moved under a nice stone-based piece of real estate - Jack Zimmermann signs as a free agent (fresh out of college, just off the back of Samwell losing the Frozen Four against Providence College in a _tight_ final game, as the lead scorer and captain of his frankly _phenomenal_ college team) with the Providence Falconers.”

 

Steve grimaces, “You can guess the reaction of the internet right now.

 

“Even if Jack Zimmermann wasn’t our very own boy, darling of the media - except when they want to eviscerate him – this contract would be something I’d want to talk about.

 

“I mean…” Steve shrugs. “Maybe not whole-video talk about, but I’d have some seriously shouty tweets about this.

 

“So, if you don’t know what his contract entails, we’ll look at it again now.”

 

The screen flashed to a simple text display. “Jack Zimmermann signs with the Falcs, on a two year contract, for $2.7 million per annum, with a significant signing bonus and an _extensive_ list of production-related bonuses that I’m not gonna bother listing.

 

Steve’s face flashes back, looking unimpressed. “This isn’t a big contract, on the surface it’s barely a cap hit, very short, with an expansion team that isn’t bad, but has never had the strength to muster a playoff run deeper than the second round.

 

“If this wasn’t Jack Zimmermann, just a player with his stats, it’d be a _steal_ for the Falcs.”

 

Steve puts his face in his hands and says, muffled, “But this is _Jack Zimmermann_. So this contract is a _travesty.”_

 

Steve drops his hands and points at the camera. “But we’re gonna talk about this, because this _is very important._

 

“Now, let’s start with the fact that he hasn’t signed with the Leafs. Which I will emphasise and say that I _knew_ wasn’t going to happen. He’s a Montreal boy! His daddy dearest brought so many cups home to there, the idea that he’d _betray_ his home city by signing for Toronto…” Steve shakes his head. “I _knew_ it wasn’t going to happen, but damn if I wasn’t hoping.”

 

Steve raises a hand, looking at the camera, “But let us also list and itemise who Jack Zimmermann _also_ hasn’t signed for.”

 

One finger up. “Jack Zimmermann has not retreated home and has not signed for the Habs.

 

“Which I think is _completely understandable.”_ Steve shrugs. “People will disagree with me, but Jack Zimmermann owes nothing to Montreal. His dad was a legend for Montreal, people still own _his dad’s_ Zimmermann jerseys.

 

“Don’t get me wrong, Jack would be welcomed with open arms to Montreal. He would be loved, would be a fan favourite from the first moment. I can _see_ the social media posts already, the twitter handles.

 

“But do you know what Jack Zimmermann would have to do if he came to Montreal?

 

“He’d have to fight, tooth and nail, until he’s out from under his dad’s shadow. _If he gets out of there at all._

 

“And that single if, in itself, is enough of a reason for Jack Zimmermann to reconsider signing for the Habs. He needs to be someone else, to define himself. He needs to be a player that isn’t Bad Bob Mark II.”

 

Second finger. “He didn’t sign for the Pens, and the reasons are similar to the Habs. Jack _does not need to be under Bad Bob’s shadow.”_

 

“On the other hand, the Pens had more going for them than the Habs. They’d probably take very good care of Jack, nurture him well, and he’d be a social media _darling_.

 

“But, _and this is a big but_ , he wouldn’t be the biggest draw on the team. Which would automatically make things easier on Jack, would automatically make his spotlight smaller, which would make a massive difference to Zimmermann and the _well documented_ pressure he’s endured in the past.

 

“But the nail in the coffin with the Pens is much, _much_ larger than all of these positive points.”

 

Steve sighs. “The killing point is that Jack Zimmermann should never be a third line centre.

 

“And that’s it.” Steve says with finality. “That last point also kills most of the arguments about choosing the Hawks, the Caps, the Rangers, the Stars, and any of the Florida or California teams.”

 

Third finger. “And that neatly leads onto my third point. The Aces…” Steve whistles softly. “The Aces are already fantastic. We’ve all see those playoff runs, prayed for a quick end for the teams that go up against them initially in the west. The Aces could jumble up and put Zimmermann on the second line, even the first if Parson moves back to the wing, and that could be _beautiful_. The history those two have together, the way they complement each other, even just on paper…” Steve sighs softly, mournfully. “I personally think that they could go first and second into the Art Ross and I wouldn’t be able to tell you who’d win it.

 

“But, there are reasons, many reasons, why the Aces aren’t a good choice.

 

“Every year the Aces run themselves to the limit on their cap space, and to entice Zimmermann there they’d probably have to drop some guys down to the AHL, which might end up scuppering the stable structure that the Aces have built.”

 

Steve makes a so-so gesture with his three-fingered hand. “This second negative is a bit more of a personal opinion, but it harps back to the shadow of Bad Bob theory. If the draft happened as it had been scheduled to, Jack probably would’ve gone first and gone to Vegas, and be in Parson’s position right now.”

 

Steve fixes the camera with a stare. “And if you don’t think that Jack Zimmermann is completely aware of that fact, you can close this video now.

 

“Practically, we know that Kent has been in contact with Jack. We know that he’s gone to Samwell at least twice. I mean,” Steve scoffs, slightly guiltily, “We all followed that twitter hashtag as if it wasn’t a completely creepy thing for a group of adults to do.

 

“But practically, if Jack was going to choose Vegas, he would’ve done it a long time ago.”

 

Steve waves his hand at the camera, emphasising the point. “And, most importantly for Jack – Kent Parson too – and this list… if nostalgia is the only positive reason you have for choosing a team, _it is not a real option at all.”_

 

Steve brings up his hands, shrugging his shoulders, palms open towards the camera, “So, where does that leave us?

 

“Well, simple answer, with a _slew_ of teams, some good, some bad, and taking a serious look at factors that don’t include money and popularity. And why are we surprised by that fact, really?

 

“So, the Falconers.” Steve grins. “Falcs, Falcs, Falcs.

 

“Close to where Zimmermann has been studying for four years, not too far from home, a franchise that hadn’t been in existence when his dad was playing, so no big personal conflicts. They got to the second round of the playoffs last year and are going in as one of the wild cards this year. They’re going up against the Rangers, _really_ don’t have a chance against them, but you know that they’re gonna fight it tooth and nail.”

 

Steve raises his eyebrows, leaning into the camera, winking conspiratorially, “Sound like someone we all know? Tip if you’re not familiar, this video is about him.

 

“It’s a good fit, I’m not gonna deny it. It’s a good choice for Zimmermann, and a good choice for the Falcs.

 

“We all know that the Falcs rebuilt about three-four years ago, but they’re still not completely up to speed yet. Jack Zimmermann is someone who has proven himself as a captain, proven that he can develop himself and his teammates, and balance a stressful hockey season with earning a college degree at the same time.

 

“The Falcs have a captain right now, but if you’re looking to the future - looking to the next generation - you’d be looking at Jack Zimmermann.”

 

Steve comes close up to the camera and whispers, “If I was to choose a player to build a team around, I would totally consider Jack Zimmermann a viable option.

 

“So, let’s talk money.

 

“Like, $2.7 million money.”

 

Steve grimaces at the camera and sighs. “I mean, there are two schools of thought about that figure. Some people think that it’s too much, about three times a standard draft entry level contract; but some people think that it’s too little. I mean, this guy was predicted to be the first draft pick in 2009. Imagine if Kent Parson or Johnny Tavares were offered this contract after their entry level contracts expired?” Steve chuckles wryly. “They would’ve _walked_ , no matter how much they loved their team.

 

“So, yeah, three times a standard entry level contract, but it’s a bit more than that.

 

“The bonuses - unspecified at the moment - are going to be what makes this contract. I get the feeling that overall the Falcs will be handing over a lot more than a measly 2.7 to Zimmermann if he produces for the team.

 

“And I think that was what was agreed by both sides, I don’t think that Zimmermann is being stilted here at all. I think he wanted it this way, I think that both sides wanted it that way.

 

“What does it give Zimmermann?

 

“It gives him something that is very dangerous to give a talented player.”

 

Steve leans towards the camera, gleeful. “It gives him a _target._ It gives him something to achieve.

 

“So, even if he doesn’t sign again with Providence – if he decamps somewhere else for the rest of his career - wherever he does go will have to deal with the fact that he is obviously _worth so much more than that initial total._ ”

 

Steve sighs, “And that, my friends, is a powerful situation for Jack Zimmermann to be in.

 

“So then, what does Providence get out of this?

 

“Well, mainly a safety net.

 

“I mean, they’ve probably gone in expecting Jack to hit all his bonuses. They’ve probably ALREADY written off all the money they’ve possibly agreed to pay him, they’re expecting him to produce for the team and produce well.

 

“BUT, and it’s a very large but again, if Jack Zimmermann doesn’t produce… If – god forbid – something happens to him during the stress of his rookie season. Providence has an out from the majority of the money they may be paying him. It balances the risk of signing him.

 

“Hell,” Steve tuts, “they’ve probably got a clause that’d allow them to buy him out if they don’t want to go through with the second year.”

 

Steve grins, “But the best way to look at this contract is in very simple terms, ignoring the figures, because the bottom line to this contract isn’t about the price tag. With this contract both participants are getting what they really want, and it’s a very similar for both sides.

 

“This contract will give everyone involved a _reputation_ **.**

 

“And at this moment in time… a reputation is worth _more money_ than _any_ franchise can offer to Jack Zimmermann.” Steve nods. “That’s what he’s _really_ getting out of this.

 

Steve then stares at the camera for a moment, pensive, serious. “I wondered how to tackle this next point, really. Because on one hand I think that it’s tacky and gross that this is a big factor in other people’s minds regarding Zimmermann’s signing, but on another hand I think that it’s important that we start having a serious discussion about mental health problems in the professional sports world.

 

Steve swallows noticeably, looking away, then darting back, “We sweep it under the rug, allow people to careen off into the black as functioning alcoholics, as addicts, and only step in once it begins to affect their performance on the ice.

 

“We throw up our hands and mourn, ‘how tragic, couldn’t anything have been done?’. While ignoring the way we watched - gleefully in certain situations - their obvious downward fall from a distance.”

 

Steve pauses again, before continuing. “You have to honestly ask yourself if we’re giving the correct message to our children, the young people coming into hockey now. Are we _actually_ going to tell them that we will hang someone out to dry, not sign them, and vilify them in the media, for being unwell?

 

“And more than that, for being unwell _in the past?_

 

“We don’t have the right to do that. We don’t get to give our condolences after the fact, we don’t get to pay a petty pittance as lip service to a very serious problem that exists in organised sports.

 

“And more than that, we don’t get to tell someone like Jack Zimmermann - someone who survived, someone who is probably stronger than us all – that he isn’t worth his contract, isn’t worth an NHL career.

 

“Jack Zimmermann is worth more to this league than the rest of us combined.”

 

Steve stares at the camera, angrily, “And I hope he knows that, I think we should all know that.

 

Steve shakes his head, as if trying to clear water from his ears, then smiles wryly. “Moving onto a more cheerful note, does anyone want to talk about what Jack Zimmermann might be producing in the league next year?

 

“Because I’ve been looking into it and… oooohhh boy. I think we’re in for a treat.”

 

Steve rubs his hands together gleefully, “So, Jack Zimmermann’s Samwell career to date has been good on average. It’s had good point production, good leadership and good results. But we’re going to look at the last year in detail because I personally think that’s where the most useful information lies.

 

“Jack Zimmermann’s ‘14-’15 season was his first college season where he had a consistent line up behind him, a good set of linemates who he worked well with. His previous seasons had been marred with injuries, both his and his lineys, and this is the first time the Samwell line up has properly solidified behind Jack.

 

“And whoever was making comments about the fact that they’d got a lot a freshmen coming into their team, they’d lost a pretty solid goalie, and their new kid is untried, untested…” Steve rolls his eyes at the camera. “I hope you’ve got a nice hot sauce to eat your words with, because they went 29-7-2 with that rookie goalie in net for Zimmermann’s final season.

 

“And while I’m mentioning it, their defensive pairings are just becoming sturdier over time, and their offensive lines were some of the fastest in the NCAA. The coupling between Zimmermann’s strength and his linemate’s speed? Absolute lightning.

 

“They’d steal the puck, speed off with it, whack it to Jack, and Jack would power it into the back of the net. Jack Zimmermann may have been the powerhouse of the Samwell team, but he definitely wasn’t the one setting the pace.

 

“They hit on a strategy, and it worked, and more than that… it shows up in Zimmermann’s stats.” Steve leans into the camera. “It showed up solidly, _solidly_ people.

 

“In his last season at Samwell, Jack Zimmermann had a total of SEVENTY FOUR POINTS. Which consisted of forty six goals and twenty eight assists. The boy was a _machine,_ a brick wall of a player. He scored goals in 85% of Samwell’s games, got at least one assist in over half of them, and had _eleven_ multiple goal games. He’s also not got a cold head, because he also got _three_ hat tricks last season, all within the space of two months.

 

“His season game point average was a phenomenal 1.95.”

 

Steve drops his head into his hands and whines loudly, “ONE POINT NINE FIVE.

 

“His face off average win was 62% for the season. SIXTY TWO. It went up to 74% in one particularly impressive game.

 

“Imagine being the eighteen year old facing off against Jack Zimmermann in that game, and knowing that three quarters of the time _he is going to get that puck from you_.” Steve shakes his head. “Terrifying.

 

“Multiply this up, and Zimmermann is going to have a brilliant rookie season. He’ll probably break the hundred point mark.”

 

Steve scoffs, “And I can hear you killjoys gearing up to rip this apart. I can hear the ‘this-isn’t-directly-translatable-into-the-NHL’ sneers already. Go on, try and destroy my fun!

 

“Because Zimmermann is going to have a better team at his back when he starts in the NHL, and he’ll be playing against teams who’re used to neutralising Crosby and Parson. Jack Zimmermann is going to be a beautiful, _beautiful_ unknown quantity.” Steve gives a joyful little laugh. “And it’s that surprise that’s going to do it for me.”

 

Steve huffs, “But, y’know, let’s play the that’s-not-translatable game. Just for fun, y’know?

 

“Because do you know who else is in college right now?

 

“Any guesses?” Steve’s eyes pan the camera, then he points. “You, you at the back? Correct! It’s another Jack! Jack Eichel is at… Boston University!

 

“Jack Eichel played forty games, had twenty six goals and forty five assists.

 

“Jack Eichel is probably going to go top three into the draft this year. People have looked at his stats and went, yes, _yes,_ this young man is NHL material. They’ve already decided that he’ll be a great NHL player. Get him into a team that can use him, a team that’ll work well with him, and he could be the future of that team. The _future_ of the NHL.”

 

Steve shakes his head. “But, to me, I look at Zimmermann and I don’t see the future of the NHL.”

 

Steve takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I see the NHL in Jack Zimmermann. He is the NHL. He’s already an NHL player, playing college hockey, and his team uses him as such. His numbers show it.”

 

Steve sits back, looking contemplative. “College kids face off against Jack Zimmermann and can see their hockey careers flowing past their eyes, can see themselves sitting in their living rooms and watching him play hockey for the next ten, twelve years. Can see themselves telling their children that they played against Jack Zimmermann.”

 

Steve smiles. “Played against him and lost. Every. Damn. Time.

 

“He’s already a legend, just not a legend to us yet.”

 

Steve slumps back, looking up at his ceiling, spinning slightly on his chair, and says softly, “I felt bad for wanting make this video, I felt like I didn’t have the right to comment on this. I know I'm biased, I know I have a chip on my shoulder about this, I knew I liked Jack Zimmermann before he signed for Providence.”

 

Steve stares back at the camera. “But, you know what? I also feel that I'm the only one really willing to be openly optimistic about this, about Jack Zimmermann. (I mean, obviously other than the Providence Falconers. Did you see their Assistant GM at that press conference when they announced he’d signed?)

 

“But why, do you ask? Why do I feel like it’ll be fine?”

 

Steve smiles gently, and rests his chin on his clasped hands. “Because I ultimately feel that things will always be okay - that hockey will survive - if we have a _Zimmermann_ on the NHL ice."

 

&

 

Eric Bittle   @omgcheckplease

@Steve_Dangle thank you

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me to talk about hockey feelings please, I'm clareithromycin on tumblr.


End file.
